Blending Families Successfully by George S. Glass

Author:George S. Glass
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing
Published: 2014-01-01T05:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 8

WHO’S ZOOMING WHO?

Maintaining fair and consistent rules (and punishment) is an ongoing source of conflict in every family—divorced or not—which is compounded by children playing one parent off against the other to get what they want. This can occur equally under one roof or through commuting from one household to another.

There are multiple reasons why we may favor one of our own children over others. They may remind us of ourselves, in a good or bad way. We may envy them for being able to do the things we could not or we may struggle over things they can’t do but we think they should be able to do, particularly as they are our child. For instance, it’s often difficult for college educated parents to deal with a child who has a learning disability, just like it is difficult for a parent who was athletic to have an unathletic child, or an attractive, feminine mom to have a daughter who is a tomboy.

We may even feel that we have to favor a child if a biological parent has been neglectful or if we want one child, who lives with our ex, to have a good time during visits with us. In turn, we could feel as though that relationship could be jeopardized by strict discipline. With any of these examples, the end result is not good, especially when parents favor one child over another—for any reason. Just as a child may play one parent off against another, so can parents use their children to achieve something they think is preferable, when in the end, it will only harm everyone.

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